Educational Quotes!

"My problems all started with my early education. I went to a school for mentally disturbed teachers."
Woody Allen

"I speak twelve languages. English is the bestest."
Stefan Bergman

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
Dan Quayle

"I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's about Russia."
Woody Allen

"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up."
Lenny Bruce

"I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed."
Bruce Lee

"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex."
Edgar Wallace

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."
Dan Quayle

A Man Joke! - Guessing Games

Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children. The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating. "Is it beef?" The daughter Katie asked.
"Nope."
"Is it pork?" the son Willie asked.
"Nope."
"Heck, we don't know, Dad!" Willie exclaimed.
"I'll give you a clue," the Dad said. "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."
"Spit it out, Willie!" cried Katie, "We're eating Asshole!!"

A Woman Joke! - The Teacher

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
"Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:
"Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."