Euro-English: The Five-Year Plan

The European Unified Language Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other possibility As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be know as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "S" will replace the soft "C " Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with Joy The hard "C" will be dropped in favor of the "K " This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "PH" will be replaced with the "F. " This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible Government will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "E" in the language is disgrasful, and they should go away.

By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "TH" with "Z" and "W" with "V".

During ze fifz yar, ze unesesary "O" can be dropd from vords kontaining "OU" and similar changs vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yar, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl Zer vil no mor be trubls or difikiltis, and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!

Dom's Quote of the Month

The only way to be an English teacher and learn Russian at the same time, it to buy a little book!

Dom seems to remember Russian words well, and writing them down the instant to learn them in a small notebook, is perhaps a very wise idea!