Moscow nightlife

(Zach reviews)

Fabrique (Must See)

This is a true club. It s a bit of a hike from the metro, especially when your guide chooses the wrong trail. But not for from Novokuznetskaya you ll find Fabrique. One of the best clubs in town. The face control is diplomatic. I found it really easy to get in. Then you enter a corridor that turns into a white runway surrounded by round tables and booths. Word to the wise, if you want to sit at these tables be ready to pay and order a bottle for the table, and bring bags of fresh Benjamins. Off to the left is a large garden area with a nice bar of center, a large screen shows you what s going on inside and in the summer sports a large outdoor dance floor. Back inside you descend a circular, ruddy staircase to the bar. Here you also find the main dance floor which is very large and doesn t fill up until about 2:30, when I arrived at 1 it was virtually empty. The DJ was Berlin quality. The barmen are attentive and quite entertaining. I recall the whole bar being in flames at one point. The people here are absolutely beautiful. The women are decked in Dolce and Gabana, and they re not wearing knock-offs. The price for a vodka is 70. And the vodka is drinkable, actually, it s quite nice. A beer is 120. And the prices soar from there. If you go to Fabrique and do not have a good time you may have some sort of social disorder and I suggest you seek professional help. The only draw back was the line for the toilets. So, drag your ass up stairs where the line is much shorter and the toilets are less prone to packs of Prada clad girls going in to powder their noses.

The Real McCoy (Must See)

Now this is a bar. Face control is medium to medium rare, especially if you re an American. Before midnight there s often live music. I arrived at 9:30 and the place already packed with dancers and diners alike. The dance floor isn t huge but does the job. The room in the back is a nice place to relax and catch your breathe while dancing away the night. The music is great. On one fated Friday evening I heard Lustra, Chemical Brothers, Guns n Roses, 2Pac and more, and it worked well. Everyone here has a good time. Girls dance on the bar and the tables they dined at just hours before. The people are as beautiful as Fabrique, without the pretension. The working girl factor is low here so when a cute dyevuska puts ice down your shirt you can take her home and not be expected to pay a few thousand roubles in the morning. Now, there s another issue entirely. The drinks. The Real McCoy has adopted the American virtue that bigger is better. And for a mere 70 roubles you get a glass of vodka, not a shot, a glass. As I watched my dutiful barman pour our round of four vodkas I was awed at the fact that he nearly polished off a bottle of nice vodka on four glasses. There s a lot of rock for your rouble at this place. Try the Jim Beam and Coke, the Mojitio, the vodka, whatever you fancy and you will not be disappointed. It s cheap. The people are beautiful. It s right off Barrikadnya Metro. You ll have a kick-ass time. And, even though the Exile says you can never get kicked out, well, you can. But, it s ok to kick Ladas as they drive past.

Che (Waste of Time)

The name s cool. Maybe the only place in Moscow where the bouncer who wouldn t let you in at 1 will be your cab driver at 5 because you happen to speak German, damn I wish I would have asked him in German if we could enter his special bar. We went back to Che around 2:30ish and magically there were no bouncers. Hum, I wander where they went? And everyone was just walking in at their own accord. It was quite full. You need a gun to get the coat checks attention. The dance floor is small. They refuse to serve you at one of the bars. Why, I ask? I mean, Che was a communist and communism is about equality amongst the classes. As Mr Montana says, We all get the octopus. I got octopus coming out of my ears. So why can t we all have a bloody shot of vodka? The vodka is expensive, 100 roubles. And it tastes like ether. Burn, baby, burn! The working girl factor here is high. If you re of the male persuasion expect a pretty young dyevushka to attach herself to you immediately. You ll think you re hot shady, but she just wants the money, I guess that s cool if you can t score any other way. If you re of the female persuasion expect to be hipped out by these hard working girls on the dance floor. The music was Latin based and poorly looped. I think my mother could have DJed better. My advice, don t bother.

Propaganda (GO)

Propaganda is a brilliant place for midweek depravity. Tuesdays are Hip Hop nights. Thursdays are always a lot of fun with a decent DJ. The vodka is reasonably priced, 70P, and goes down nice with a lemon slice. The house beer, don't actually know which one, since the tap has no name on it, is good and cheap, again 70P. The mixed drinks are strong. The wait staff is fairly democratic and it never takes too long to get a drink, even when there's a bit of pushing and shoving that needs to take place. Face control is no problem, especially if you're Occidental. On Tuesday they didn't clear all the tables from the dance floor so it was a little cramped. On Thursday expect it to be packed, as well as weekends. The working girl factor in Propaganda is low, especially for a club with no cover. The women are gorgeous and looking to have a good time and dance, as usual. There is a lack of pretension here that makes for a great time and the crowd is fairly young. If you don't end up in some Russian girl's Mercedes by the end of the night being sped down a Propekt at ludicrous speeds to a secret club I'll be very disappointed in you. Also, don't fall over at the bar. They'll kick you out. You can find Propaganda at Kitai Gorod Metro.

Karma Bar (Yes, Yes, Yes)

Near Kuzentsky Most, this place rocks! You will have to pay to get in, 200P for malshiks and 50 or 100 for dyevushkas, I believe. Face control is democratic. You walk into a pseudo patio area with picnic tables that leads to a salsa bar, which is quite nice. Then you can descend the Oriental decorated stairway to a den of more depravity. You first happen upon the bar with couches and tables and what not. An opium-denesque hookah room is off to the side behind drawn curtains and then you walk through to the dance floor, which has another bar in the back. There are dancers on the walls shakin' away and the dance floor is usually packed until 6 in the morn. The music is great here. Beautiful people abound. There's always a girl that would like to dance with you. All you need is a heartbeat and the ability to meet the eye contact they're making with you; this is the same for the women with the Russian men that are there. The working girl factor is quite low here cover being the reason. Prices are average. The only complaint I have about Karma Bar is the vodka. The stuff tastes like rubbing alcohol. So, my recommendation is to go for a few drinks at your local metro station and get a nice buzz on then head out on the last metro. Word of WARNING it is entirely possible to end up at someone's grandmother's house (who's on holiday and their lovely grandchild is looking after their flat) in their grandmother's bed and then spill tea on their grandmother's photos from the Black Sea. Yeah! Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll!

Phlemetic Dog (interesting)

The Dog was a nice bar with internet. It is a good size for dancing and reveling. Drinks are reasonably priced given the spectacular location, in Ohotny Riad Mall right under the McDonalds. Was there on a Friday night and had a good time. The only problem with the place was the lack of people. It could easily hold loads of partiers, but there was maybe thirty people. Odd for a Friday night at 1 in the morning right off of Red Square. The face control was a little stiff. At first they were unwilling to let us in. Then with a few 'come ons' they let us in, finally. Maybe the problem was they weren't letting anybody in.

Pan Asia Restaurant

This place was rather quiet for a Friday night, which was quite pleasing. It serves a variety of foods from across the Asian continent at mid level prices, the bill for the two of us came to 1200 rubles.. The Indian food was excellent but the Chinese should be avoided if you are a connoisseur. Attentive staff looks after you well here and were not as intrusive as I had previously been led to believe. On my first visit with a friend there, I was asked if I would like a discount card, which takes four days to be prepared. A cunning ploy to keep the punters coming or just a friendly gesture between expats? I'm not sure, but I like to think it is the latter. I'll certainly be visiting again soon.

6/9

The Old Arbat is notorious for its expensive eateries and watering holes. Imagine my surprise at discovering a very cheap but extremely elegant restaurant serving good food here. Large Business lunch with salad, starter, main and desert with a drink comes at a cost of 150 rubles. Unlimited pancakes (bliny) are 80 but the jam or cream will cost you another 30. Drinks are cheap too and almost any main course will have the average Joe with little to append coming time and again. Bizarrely, the most expensive thing on the menu seemed to be the ice cream at 450 rubles. Avoid this and your heartily and well-prepared meal should cost no more than 250 rubles and leave you more than satisfied!